The Long Story

Important Note:

When I started writing this, I thought it was going to be about exercise and positive attitude. It’s not. What follows is my history of disordered eating. For some people (and me for a long time!) this is an absolute no-go zone. I have included no measurements other than a dress size, so don’t think you’ll find any here!

Feel free to leave this page and enjoy some happier posts

This is the reason I am raising funds for the Butterfly Foundation. Running got me back on track, and I want to help others who’ve been down this road. Consider donating, or sharing the information with friends. 

As a child, I was a world-champion binge eater. Mum and Dad made great, nutritious meals, and I would sneak 5 chocolate bars and a couple of biscuits back into my room. I think they knew I did it, but I was so skinny throughout my teen years that it didn’t seem to matter what I ate, or in what quantities. It was a habit that stuck with me. And habits are really hard to break!

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When I finished high school and moved to Canberra for university in 2007, I ate and ate and ate. I was following a vegetarian diet at the time, but I was eating WAY more than I needed to. I have never been overweight, but I was maintaining an unhealthy lifestyle.

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I remember eating an entire packet of Tim Tams (amazing, decadent chocolate biscuits) one afternoon, and then heading out to an aerobics-dance session (one of the few times I exercised in first year). At the end of the class, the instructor, by pure coincidence, shouted

‘everyone in here has just burnt off two Tim Tams!’

Having just eaten 11, and not intending to stay for another 5 hours, I realised that my eating habits were a little bit out of whack.

But then I fell in love. And Mr The Rake and I spent our time bonding over wine, m&ms and pancake shake. By the time I got home to Melbourne that summer, I was shocked to see myself in my old bathroom mirror.

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Like everyone before me, I decided it was time to do something. I half-heartedly jogged for 10 minutes a couple of times a week, took a desk job over the break, and continued to eat massive portions of food.

Having failed to lose weight over the summer, I went back to college in February with a renewed desire to lose weight. AND get amazing marks. I just about drove myself into the ground studying.

In an attempt to ‘diet’, I tried to cut down my breakfast size, and eat a can of tuna and an apple for lunch every day. By the time I got home in the evenings, I was starving. At our canteen they sold big cups of lollies for $1. I bought one almost every night.

You can probably guess what happened. Despite my efforts, I didn’t lose much weight, and the pressure I put on myself at uni wasn’t translating into better marks.

Before I knew it, it was 2009 and my 21st birthday was only a few months away. Like many people, nothing motivates me more than a deadline. I decided I wanted to be a size 8 (US 2) by my 21st. At the time I was a 12. I started to count calories, cut fat out of my diet, minimise carbs, and hit the gym daily, often waking up at 5:30am to fit in a big workout before class. I would visualise a tiny black dress I wanted to wear, and that got me through the gnawing hunger pains I would get at night time.

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One night, about two weeks from my birthday, I remember getting up in the middle of the night, wearing only my underwear. I had lost track of time completely, and I felt terrible. But I could see my hip bones. And my ribs. When I squeezed my side there was no fat.

Later that week I bought my 21st dress. It was a size eight.

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I had met my goal, but at what cost?

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I’m surprised that Mr The Rake stuck with me through that period of time. I kept my weight low for over a year. I realised I had a problem, but I didn’t know the extent of it. It wasn’t until I travelled to Europe in 2010, totally unable to control the caloric intake of every meal, that I completely lost it. Ironically, it was a time when I lost weight, because of all the walking tours we were doing.

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Mr The Rake and I finished our European adventure at a wedding in Scotland. No, not our wedding!

When we arrived back in Australia, jet-lagged, unwell, and generally dealing with post-holiday blues, I spiralled into a deep depression. I was unable to get out of bed. I didn’t want to eat – losing even more weight – and I was totally controlled by the obsessive thought that I was fat, undisciplined, and unintelligent.

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Mr The Rake took me to see a doctor, who referred me to a psychologist, who told me to take time away from uni. Bit by bit I clawed my way back to reality. I got a new job, I made time to see friends, I ate cake, and gradually I started to lose the obsessive desire to be as thin as possible.

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Oddly enough, running has had a hugely positive impact on my lifestyle and body image. After a terrible 12km one morning, it occurred to me that the night before, I had only eaten a small chicken salad. That was the point that it finally clicked. To give my body the energy it needed, I had to fuel it. Much as a car needs petrol, I needed to eat – and eat the right stuff – in order to feel good and perform at my best.

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Eating without anxiety isn’t always easy, but at least now I want to do the right thing by my body. So bring on the carbs. Bring on the chocolate. Bring on the cake. I’ll do whatever it takes to feel happy, and to get across the finish line in October.

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If you think your eating and exercise habits might be a problem, please tell someone – it’s worth it. Here’s one place you can go for support. Take action!



  1. Different Anon. says:

    Well we have quite the vocabulary now don’t we?

    You just scored Kate a $100 donation, so…. umm…. keep up all the good work.

    • Kate says:

      Different Anon. Thank you. This made my morning!

      I have removed the comment before this – Oh troll comments – where would be without them?

  2. Sarah says:

    This is such an inspirational story! So glad that you have managed to get back to where you want to be :) happiness and chocolate are essentials in life! I hope you continue to do amazing work for your charity :)
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  86. Europas zur Eruierung von Seiten Kriegsverletzten
    von Seiten dem Chirurgen Eiselsberg (1860–1939) inbegriffen
    jener Beistand seines Schülers Johann Pichler gegründet
    (Schweppe 1993).
    In Berlin zitierte der Zahnarzt Hugo Ganzer
    (1879–1960) Paracelsus im Vorwort seines Buches
    Chip Kriegsverletzungen des Gesichts ja sogar Gesichtsschädels
    (1945): „Denn welcher Arzt, jener da heylet,
    ist die Natur, jede Wunde heylet von selbst, so
    sie allerdings geputzt unter anderem unbefleckt erhalten wird“.
    Der Deutsche Mark
    Zitat folgende Lyrics wird reichhaltig wiedergegeben,
    da er Chip außerordentliche Naturell
    von Ganzer ausgesprochen explizit überliefern kann.

    schrieb, in die Sankt-Nimmerleins-Tag jener Plastischen Wiederherstellungschirurgie
    unserer Uhrzeit weisend:
    » Im Januar 1915 erhielt ich meinerseits im Zuge dasjenige Sanitätsamt
    des Gardekorps vonseiten Deutsche Mark Sanitäts-
    Departement des Preußischen Kriegsministeriums
    den Arbeitsauftrag im Reservelazarett
    Hochschule zum Besten von die bildenden Künste zu
    Charlottenburg eine Kieferchirurgische
    Entwicklungsphase einzurichten. Jenes Lazarett erschien
    mir angesichts seiner Lage, seiner Räumlichkeiten
    ferner nicht zuletzt auf Grund der Tatsache seines Gartens
    als rar gesät anwendbar für diesen Ansinnen. Die
    Verletzungen des Gesichts sind ausgedehnt
    darüber hinaus Bedarf haben Licht darüber hinaus Atem.
    Während der
    alternative Körper welcher Gesichtsverletzten höchst
    vollwertig ist, welche Verwundeten als Folge bald in
    den Stand gesetzt Zustandekommen können, gegenseitig beruflich
    zu tätig sein – neben gerade aufwärts diesem
    Gebiet spielt Chip Arbeitstherapie eine große
    Trommel qua Heilfaktor –, zu tun sein Chip Verwundeten
    kombinieren möglichst einfachen Weg zu
    ihrer Arbeitsstelle haben, mit dieser Sache Anstellung mehr noch
    Lazarettbehandlung konkomitierend zu ihrem
    Rechte ankommen Versiertheit … Das Lazarett
    erhielt eine gewissen Umwandlung mit die
    Einrichtung der kieferchirurgischen Station
    außerdem dieser Nasenstation, so dass derzeit eine
    chirurgische, eine innere, eine Hals-, Nasen-,
    Ohren- neben eine kieferchirurgische Station
    nebenher bestanden unter anderem einander in der
    Wissenschaftliche Arbeit gegenseitig vollkommen unterstützten.
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  89. Folgend Werden die traumatische
    Entzündung, die Arten jener Wundheilung auch weil
    Gewebsneubildung im Allgemeinen ebenso wie
    Speziellen qua dem damaligen Wissensstand
    beschrieben : Bindegewebe, Phagozyten,
    Plasma- ebenso wie Riesenzellen, Fettgewebe,
    elastische Fasern, Gefäße im Übrigen Deckgewebe. Eingeschlossen
    gleicher Systematik Zustandekommen die Prozesse
    solcher Wundheilung gemäß Durchtrennung u. a.
    Transplantation der in den serösen Verbinden
    gelegenen Hohlorgane noch dazu einzelner Textilie
    (Haut, Sehnen, Knorpel, Knochen, im Übrigen
    Knochenmark, Nerven, Muskeln ansonsten Drüsen)
    – basierend aufwärts die akademisch erarbeiteten
    eigenen Resultate – aus pathologischanatomischer
    darüber hinaus klinischer Sicht dargestellt
    u. a. grundlegend erörtert.
    In Kap. 19 geht es um Chip „Die Transplantation
    von Haut hinter Reverdin darüber hinaus Thiersch“ (S.
    » Welcher grösste Wachstum in jener Praktischen
    Ausnutzung welcher Ueberpflanzung überall
    abgetrennter Theile wurde im Zuge die von
    Jaques L. Reverdin eingeführte Epidermispfropfung,
    „greffe epidermique“, in das Bestehen
    gerufen … er trug essentiell zur Aufklärung
    des hiermit zu erzielenden Heilungsvorganges
    bei, darüber hinaus ermöglichte angesichts dessen die daraufhin
    aufgrund der Tatsache Thiersch eingeführte Aufbesserung des
    Verfahrens solcher künstlichen Ueberhäutung.
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